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Vishal P. Rao
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Joined: 23 Jun 2005
Posts: 717
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# Posted: 22 Sep 2007 00:54 · Edited by: Vishal P. Rao
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Recently one of my relatives dropped to our place and she was telling us about how disciplined her son (10 yr old) is. He always does his home work/studies before anything else and so on. She told us that recently when he was watching Twent20 cricket, she told him that if he gets addicted to cricket then gone are his dreams of joining IIT (one of the most prestigious universities of India).
After she left, I pondered over how parents are largely responsible for making their kids prone to unhappiness. Setting goals are okay, but why ruin the present in pursuit of future? Does getting into IIT guarantee happiness? By making your kid goal oriented, you are teaching your kid to live in the future, a sure fire way to unhappiness. Once the kid goes into IIT, he'll immediately have a next goal, of getting a high paying job. After that, a house, and so on. It's not just him, but each one of us. But are we happy? No! We are constantly looking for happiness in the future and it'll never come. Because if you are not happy now, you can never be happy. Then why make him suffer like us?
Instead, let him enjoy the life at its fullest. Don't teach him to get #1 rank. Teach him to put his 100% every time and forget about the results. Teach him about enjoying the game and not about winning. Success will follow automatically. Nurturing the right values in your kids it the best gift you can give to them. Please don't take the smile and fun out your kid's lives.
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finn
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Joined: 9 Aug 2007
Posts: 4
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# Posted: 4 Oct 2007 22:01
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I agree with your comments Vishal.
It IS important for kids to learn to be self-disciplined, but also very necessary to find a balance. Let your kid BE a kid, slowly bringing in more responsibilities appropriate for age and encouraging a healthy, happy outlook on life. Do you want your kid to turn to drugs when older to try and cope with the pressures of modern day life?
This is what many do now - especially the ones I know who have been pressured to succeed from a young age, OR they completely turn their backs on the so-called success route and opt out.
So many of my kids friends had after-school classes every school day (music/drama/dancing/sports training etc) as wellas weekends - they never had a chance to play, which is an extremely important part of developing emotional intelligence and a balanced personality.
Choose their extra activities carefully and allow your child plenty of time to simply BE . . . . even better if you can 'BE' with them!
I always like to remind myself when things get hectic - we are human beings, not human doings!
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Mark_Worthen
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Joined: 20 Mar 2007
Posts: 60
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# Posted: 7 Nov 2007 23:33
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Excellent post Vishal! 
I wholeheartedly agree. I saw my father working so hard to gain the acceptance first of his father and then his older brother. Achievement was stressed so much in their family that even when my dad graduated 2nd in his class at one of the top medical schools in the world, his brother's first comment was, "Why weren't you first?"
To my father's credit, he recognized the over emphasis on academic and career achievement in his family of origin. He and my mother sought to balance achievement with fun and living in the moment. I inherited some of the "achievement = self-worth" belief system but it was certainly much more balanced for me than what my father experienced during his formative years.
All the Best,
Mark Worthen, Psy.D.
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Joined: 22 Sep 2007
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# Posted: 8 Nov 2007 07:35
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As important as it is to have goals, it's the effort that counts far more than the success. I just put in the effort and often times I am unattached to the results. Remaining focused on the present moment creates contentment and reduces stress. Once the effort is expended to the best of our ability, let the future take care of itself.
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allwinners
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Joined: 3 Jul 2008
Posts: 6
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# Posted: 6 Jul 2008 12:01
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The key is 'balance'
Although I agree in part with the previous comments, I also beleive that there are boundaries, and as parents (until our kids reach the age of adulthood) we are responsible for guidance. At the age of 18 in most countries, our kids legally stop being kids, and it is with whatever maturity and guidance we have delivered, that they will forge thier own future.
However in saying this, my son was always reminded of the necessity in todays world, to secure a good education, and this is exactly what he did! In return for this commitment on his part in the early years, he now has the security in the knowledge that he can basically follow whatever path he chooses.
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johntanyishin
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Joined: 3 Jul 2008
Posts: 48
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# Posted: 6 Jul 2008 14:09
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As the world changes rapidly, information that he learned from he University will become obselete probably 5 years after he graduated.
Schools are great places to make friends and I think that one must enjoy life to the fullest before he can make a living. Life is short, goals are important but not everything.
There are things far more important that having a good career, they are family, friends, love, fun and self-realization.
JTYS
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