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persil
Forums Member
Joined: 23 Apr 2009
Posts: 13
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#1 · Posted: 2 May 2009 10:32 · Edited by: persil
Hey everyone just posted my first squidoo lens and was wondering if you guys would take a look when you have the time. I know you get asked a lot but any help/suggestions/criticism would be much appreciated as I am new and very green to this. I have been reading posts here and tweaking my lens but I thought it best to publish then see what comments I get back. Thanks in advance everyone.
Newbie Shield I didn't know how to link my website to my lens but I found the answer in one of your posts I also read your how-to lens the info that you and all the other people in this forum give out really helps people like me so a Big Thanks to you all.
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mountainmom5
Joined: 30 Aug 2007
Posts: 3056
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#2 · Posted: 2 May 2009 10:46
Okay - first of all - just put [url][/url] around your link and it will make it clickable for us.
Your lens looks good. Here is a tip for you... I know you are probably following the MOIS system, but here is the deal. You can sell other stuff, too, using their formula.
There are a TON of products on Clickbank to sell besides WAH stuff.
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samda
Forums Member
Joined: 10 Oct 2007
Posts: 526
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#3 · Posted: 2 May 2009 11:37
Its really good and well written. The ranking also speaks for itself...
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mountainmom5
Joined: 30 Aug 2007
Posts: 3056
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#4 · Posted: 2 May 2009 11:42
Ya, I didn't mean to be hard on you, persil! Just wanted to help you out... 
Tweaking is good - but adding more content to the wide space called the internet is better. You will always be tweaking your sites as you build them.
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persil
Forums Member
Joined: 23 Apr 2009
Posts: 13
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#5 · Posted: 2 May 2009 12:56
Mountainmom5 - you can be as hard on me as you want when i'm getting free advice I know I can sell other things but I have not had time to research anything else at the moment and I don't want to promote something i've not looked into
p.s. did you mean my squidoo link on here? When I ckicked it, it worked.
Thanks for looking so fast guys appreciate it
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Newbie Shield
Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 2226
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#6 · Posted: 2 May 2009 22:32
Hi Persil,
Glad my posts here and my lens has been a help to you, you're quite welcome :)
Your lens looks good. The writing is good. You have some images in the modules. You have a good variety of modules.
I would break some of the paragraphs up so that it's a little easier to read and so scanners (those who quickly scan without reading every word) are less likely to give up.
The module titled: "My Online Income System" should be broken up into at least three paragraphs. I would also split up the last sentence, which is nearly five full lines into several sentences if you can manage it. It's more likely to get read that way.
The module titled: "How Much Does My Online Income System Cost" can be broken up into two paragraphs. The second paragraph might start where it reads "If your thinking of taking up..."
Otherwise I think the lens is good.
I joined your fanclub, rated your lens and favorited it. Thanx for the plugs on your lensmasters page (the back end where the fanclub is). I'm the electric guitar avatar.
It was also nice of you to put a link to the forum here on your lensmasters page.
Well done,
~Newbie Shield~
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