Blond Joke

Discussion in 'Humor' started by piggybanker, Mar 28, 2007.

  1. piggybanker

    piggybanker New Member

    A blond headed woman was sitting at her kitchen table getting rather upset. She began pounding her fists on the table and then started to sob.

    Her husband enters the room and asks, "What's the problem dear".

    She says, "No matter what I do I don't think I'll ever finish this puzzle".

    The husband says, "Sweetie, no matter what you do you'll never get these pieces to look like that picture on the box. Now help me put these frosted flakes away".
     
  2. jdejvet

    jdejvet New Member

    ok, I am blonde. But I find that too funny! I can just picture it!
     
  3. piggybanker

    piggybanker New Member

    I'm glad you enjoyed it. Here's another:


    A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blond joke?"

    In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

    Our bartender IS blond, the bouncer is blond. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blond. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

    The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
     
  4. Money4Mommy

    Money4Mommy New Member

    A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum
    deodorant. The assistant, never having heard of rectal deodorant asks
    the pharmacist. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman
    they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.

    Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the
    stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.

    "I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any".
    "But I always bought it here," says the blonde.
    "Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist..
    "Oh, YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."

    She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks
    at it and says to her, "This! is just a normal stick of
    underarm deodorant"

    Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from
    the container...................



    "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
     
  5. piggybanker

    piggybanker New Member

    Thanks Money4Mommy, that made my girlfriend and I laugh so hard. Yes, she's blond. I asked her the other day if she wanted to hear a blond joke and she said in an angry voice, "Hey, wait a minute, I'm blond". I said, "Don't worry honey. I'll tell it really slow".

    Here's another:

    A blond went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

    He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.

    After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

    After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was learning to fly.

    The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

    A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan..."
     
  6. Newbie Shield

    Newbie Shield Gold Member

    OMG! Those are hilarious! I am dying over here.

    Remember Crissy from "Three's Company"? Jack Tripper and Mr. Roper used to crack me up :)

    I told my blonde joke already in a different thread. I'll put it right here where it belongs - in the growing collection:

    We all know that hair color has nothing to do with common sense or intelligence. That said, here is my funny:

    What did the blonde say when she had her first baby?

    "Are you sure it's mine?"

    Newbie Shield
     
  7. asebf

    asebf New Member

    Keeping it clean :

    This one you have to think a bit. I am not going to tell the whole joke - just enough hints for you to get the idea.

    It involves TX blonds being stopped over and over and given breathalyzer tests by TX patrolmen.

    Puch line - "Not another breathalyzer test!!!!"
     
  8. piggybanker

    piggybanker New Member

    Three blonds walked into a bar. The bartender asked the first what she wanted. She replied "I'll have a bl." He thought a moment and then asked her "What's a bl?" She replied, "Well, duh, a bl is a Bud Lite." He turned to the second one and asked what she wanted. She replied "Make mine a ml." He thought ok, if a bl is Bud Lite, then ml could be Michelob or something, and said, "OK, what's a ml?" She replied, "Well, duh, it's a Miller Lite." He then turned to the third one and asked what she wanted. She replied "I'll have a 15." He said, "Ok, bl is Bud Lite, and ml is Miller Lite, but I have never heard of a 15. What is it?" She said, "Well, duh, it's a 7-7."
     
  9. asebf

    asebf New Member

    There is a blonde at the casino who is buying cola after cola at the vending machine.

    The man standing behind her waiting to get a drink finally asks her if she is going to be long.

    She says - at long as this thing keeps paying off - I'm staying.
     
  10. piggybanker

    piggybanker New Member

    Three blonde friends died together in a car wreck. They found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was about.

    The first blonde said, "Easter is a big holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey."

    "Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in."

    The second blonde said, "Easter is the holiday that we celebrate Jesus' being born of the virgin and give gifts to each other."

    "Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in, either."

    The third blonde said, "Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples, He was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified Him on a cross. After He died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it."

    "Very good!" said St. Peter.

    The blonde continued. "Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of basketball."

    St. Peter fainted!
     
  11. piggybanker

    piggybanker New Member

    A blonde was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

    So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

    Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

    Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!!
     
  12. VictoriaNTC

    VictoriaNTC Silver Member

    Okay guys...
    I am a natural blond e!

    Victoria[​IMG]
     
  13. asebf

    asebf New Member

    Same blonde with the dents is ice fishing on a MN lake. She is casting the large red and white spinner out across the ice and reeling it back in across the top of the frozen lake.

    The same roommate comes up to her on her snowmobile. What are you doing casting like that? Well DUH - Fishing for the big one she says.

    The roomie says back to her. Well DUH - you gotta troll this lake - hop on.
     
  14. lethalboom

    lethalboom New Member

    Two blondes walking in a forest, and they come across some tracks. One thought they were fox tracks, the other thought they were bear tracks.
    This is when they got hit by the train

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  15. PMHayes

    PMHayes New Member

    How can you tell which workspace belongs to the Blonde in the office?

    It's the one with white out on the computer screen!
     
  16. piggybanker

    piggybanker New Member

    As Lena (a blonde) was getting off work one day in the middle of winter, it was snowing heavily. Visibility was near zero. Lena finally found her car, but wondered how she was ever going to get home. She started the car to warm it up and tried to think of what to do. Then she remembered her husband, Olaf's, advice. He had told her that if she were ever caught in a snow storm, she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she'd never get stuck in a snow drift.

    So she waited and sure enough, a little while later a snow plow went by. Smiling, she began to follow it. Feeling a little smug, she couldn't wait to tell Olaf how she had followed his advice and got home without getting stuck.

    After following the snow plow for quite a while, the plow stopped and the driver got out. He walked back to Lena's car and asked if she was all right? He was concerned because she had been following him for a long time.

    "Sure," said Lena and she explained how Olaf had told her that if she ever got caught in a blizzard, she should follow a snow plow.

    A little confused, the driver said, "OK you can follow me if you want to. But I'm finished with the Kmart parking lot and I'm headed for Wall-Mart next."
     
  17. piggybanker

    piggybanker New Member

    A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.

    The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.

    She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

    The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
     
  18. Twrestler07

    Twrestler07 New Member

    a little dirty...actually its just plain dirty so i apologize in advance. my dad told me this when i was like 10yrs old so hopefully everyone can handle this.

    whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

    the mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
     
  19. piggybanker

    piggybanker New Member

    There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

    If you told a lie it would suck you in.

    One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

    The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

    Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

    I won't let my wife go into that bar. When I first met her I asked her if she'd mind if I told a blond joke. She said, "Hey, I'm a blonde." I said, "Don't worry. I'll tell it really slow."
     

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