Help with daughter lying

Discussion in 'Raising Kids' started by dmm1932, Mar 30, 2009.

  1. dmm1932

    dmm1932 New Member

    Hi everyone. I have a six year old daughter in Kindergarten. She recently started lying almost constantly. I mean, I kinda understand lying to keep yourself out of trouble. From a kid's standpoint, it makes sense. But she lies just to lie lately, about anything and everything. Can anyone give me some advice on how to get her to stop. I have tried punishments like writing sentences, taking away toys, etc.. It seems like she doesn't care. Thanks.
  2. VictoriaNTC

    VictoriaNTC Silver Member

    Hello Dawn,

    One of my sons is such a strong willed freedom-seeker.
    He was a challenge and a half.

    Now, this may sound a little unusual, but what I began to do is pre-pave the day.

    What I mean by that is: The most difficult time was after school, throughout the evenings.
    So, I would walk to meet him at the bus stop 15 minutes early, and stand under a tree and just imagine a peaceful evening with my son.
    Every time I did that, we had a great night.
    When I did not do it, I was up for a challenge.

    I tried to get him to listed to 10 minutes if a meditation CD daily, but he gets bored.
    So, I put a CD of ocean sounds in in the bedroom while the kids fall asleep, and they are meditating without even knowing it...just de-fragging the I call it.

    I also started spending more time playing with him, and these days it is easy to be wrapped up in making money, running errands, worrying and so on. Its is hard to find time...but does get easier.

    Actually, I pulled him out of school due to admin problems, last week, and he is a different child.
    The weight of the world has been lifted from this child's shoulders.
    (At this public school, the kids are not permitted to touch the trees)
    and they call it "our school"...

    Anyway, she could just want extra attention..they all do.

    Just a few ideas...
  3. Newbie Shield

    Newbie Shield Gold Member

    Hi Dawn,

    Victoria's observations and suggestions are excellent.

    To that I might add a couple things.

    Try to find out how it started and why the child continues to do it. She must get something out of it or hopes to.

    If you approach her with nonthreatening respect and genuine concern and curiosity (perhaps even a little laughter), she may open up and tell you why.

    If and when she does, you might express your appreciation in regards to her trust toward you and risking honesty (sometimes that is a brave thing to do and should be rewarded somehow).

    She's very young and not really accountable for much of her attitudes and behavior. Most make the mistake of expecting children to think and behave like adults.

    Best wishes,

    ~Newbie Shield~
  4. Vishal P. Rao

    Vishal P. Rao Administrator Staff Member

    All good suggestions.

    One of the best ways to reform children according to me is telling them moral stories (or even cooking up your own depending on your child's needs). And the best time to do that is during bed time. This is when they are most receptive.

    Children almost believe stories as real and they work like magic. All parents should make it a point to tell at least one good story to their children at bed time.

    Whenever they start being their old self, you just have to remind them of the characters in the stories.

    And one very important thing to remember is that, force never works. It only makes them stronger. Whatever you achieve through force is only superficial.
  5. dmm1932

    dmm1932 New Member

    Wow, Vishal, that last thought is very profound. Thank everyone for the suggestions. I will definitely put them to use. She is the middle child of three girls, so I am sure part of it is attention. Although, my husband's sister is an adult now, and has always been known as a fibber. I do not want this to happen to my daughter. I'll let you all know if I make any progress with it. Thanks again for your help.
  6. mountainmom5

    mountainmom5 Gold Member

    You have gotten some excellent advice here - and she is only six so you have some time to help her overcome that before she grows older.

    This may be a bit drastic but have you ever tried lying to her? Sometimes it helps them to see how unhandy it is to have someone lie all the time when someone they trust does it... just a thought!

    Good luck and I don't know what your faith is but I usely use a lot of prayer for things like that with our kids and we only have five. [​IMG]
  7. Vishal P. Rao

    Vishal P. Rao Administrator Staff Member

    dmm1932: Wow, Vishal, that last thought is very profound.
    Yes it really is and surprisingly it's not only with raising children. It's with anything you do in life. The harder you try to achieve something the farther it goes away from you. Letting go is the key. Of course this doesn't mean neglecting. You have to do your duty and show them the right path, but at the same time you should treat your child as an independent being and allow his/her intelligence to grow.

    Love empowers. Attachment impairs.

    mountainmom5: This may be a bit drastic but have you ever tried lying to her? Sometimes it helps them to see how unhandy it is to have someone lie all the time when someone they trust does it... just a thought!
    Yes that can help too. We do it it sometimes just to show how it feels to being lied. Raising children is one of the most interesting things in life. And fortunately or unfortunately, there is no single solution here. You have to discover what works for your children.
  8. levasseur97

    levasseur97 New Member

    Hi Dawn,
    If I were you I would suggest spending quality time with her, go out to eat or go to a park. Let her have fun and she should let you know why she is acting that way. [​IMG]
  9. talfighel

    talfighel Silver Member

    Make up a story so that it will influence them to stop lying. That is a great idea. Will this stop them from lying all the time. I am not too sure but it can decrease the number of times they are lying.

    Everyone lies, even well mannered adults.

  10. gingerva

    gingerva Guest

    Are you sure it's lying? Maybe she's just a great story teller.
  11. portana

    portana New Member


    I would first of all try to find out why she's lying so much. As you said, it could be for attention or it could very well be that she is very creative and loves making up stories.

    If it is for attention or just to get out of trouble then I would try and spend more time alone with her.

    Otherwise I would try to make an agreement with her in which I would give her a short time each day where she could make up stories and tell them to me. That would be the only time in the day where she would be allowed to 'lie'. If she lies during the rest of the time give her a warning where she will lose her 'making up story time' with you that day. And if she does, actually don't do it that day.

    I was a nanny for a long time and have done a degree in psychology only because I always found the way that children grow up mentally very interesting. I am a mother myself so I know ver well how hard it can be sometimes!!

    Anyway, I hope I have helped a bit.
  12. riccstar

    riccstar New Member

    I heard this same question asked once on the Dr. Laura show, and her advice was to let the child experience the pain and feelings of being let down when you are lied to. She used McDonalds as all kids love going. Promise to take said child for lunch, a happy meal and when the time comes do not go. Then discuss with the child how it feels to be lied to.
  13. Rach72

    Rach72 New Member

    @riccstar - Oooh, that's tough - great but tough!

    I know that this thread is old - I hope that dmm1932's daughter is over it now [​IMG] but it is interesting....

    I read once that we actually inadvertently encourage our kids to lie.

    Imagine this scenario;
    You catch your child with their hand in the cookie jar, they see you watching and quickly shove their hand along with the cookie behind their back.

    Your natural impulse is to say "what are you doing?" or "what is behind your back" right?

    You know very well what they are doing and what they have behind their back, they know that you know and yet you give them the option of telling a lie to get out of it.

    If you just said "put the cookie back" or "next time ask before you take cookies" it let's your child know that they have done wrong without the drama of lying as well.

    Just a thought
  14. haiden

    haiden New Member

    Some will not agree, perhaps they will. I'd say this is perfectly normal. Acceptable? No. Attempting to use logic with a child is , imo, kind of illogical in itself. Children are fabulous. I say this not to gain favour here, but because in a childs mind, things are as they appear to be. They work on instinct, more so than adults. Therefore ... emotions. Again, when emotions are brought into the equation, logic loses ground.

    If you wish to get her to listen, appeal to the childs emotional side. That does not mean manipulating, "programming" the child. It means, as some have stated, using stories. Children love stories. Stories to children are like braille for the blind.

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